In December 2016 I attended the High School Ozarks Writing Project at MSU. They gave us a journal to write things in. I have recorded what I have written in the journal below even though some of it doesn’t make sense. A lot of the writing below is just nonsense and it doesn’t mean anything. Yes, I mostly write about sad things, but because it’s easier. None of the writing below is about me or anyone in particular.

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12/09/16

 

He was left outside. It was dark and cold. The feeling of being unwanted was not a new feeling to him. He just needed a family and no one loved him.

31 words

 

The market was never busy. It had been years since more than thirty people walked down the cobblestone road. Everything is bought online now. No one spends time outside. Nature is decaying and no one is going to save us.

40 words

 

The summer never lasted long enough. Even in the winter I can remember the touch of the sun on my skin. I still smell things that bring me back to when it was easier. I miss late nights and fireflies. The winter is awful, I hate it.

47 words

 

“Even in the winter I can remember the touch of the sun on my skin”

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12/09/16

 

It’s really hard to maintain a relationship that’s happy.

 

8 its become extremely difficult to maintain a healthy relationship

18 i’ve never had a perfect partner, not a good relationship

27 im trying to make this work, but sometimes it

37 feels like i’m the only one. In the beginning it

47 felt as if I would never know someone as perfect

56 as him. After being in an abusive relationship all

66 the attention felt nice. I didn’t know that by letting

75 him and all his happiness rely on me I

84 was hurting him. I’ve had my faults and it’s

94 taken us over a year to figure how to work

104 things out. After all this time, I don’t worry

113 if we’re meant to be. I know that if

122 we are supposed to be together, we will.

 

122/112/111/112/106/101/100

 

It’s become difficult to maintain a healthy relationship I’m trying to make this work. Something it feels like I’m the only one. In the beginning it felt as if I would never know someone as perfect as him. AFter being in an abusive relationship all the attention felt nice. I didn’t know that letting him rely on me was hurting him. It’s taken us over a year to figure this out. After all this time I don’t worry if we’re meant to be. I love him. I know that if we are supposed to be together we will.

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1 i am my own worst enemy

2 i can’t feel when i’m dead

3 all my friends hate me anyway

4 i use my experience to heal

5 he was my night time sky

6 i missed you when he didn’t

7 I can still hear your voice

8 you weren’t here when she was

9 I can’t ignore you

10 beauty said i can’t be myself

11 i need time i’m running out

12 i hate you like i loved you

13  you forget you’re not special anymore

14 * i don’t think about you anymore

 

She was my sun once again

I need more happy days

i’m too clingy i’m better

How you’re not around

I’m running out of sun

They’ll say i’m the lucky one

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Myself

1 outgoing

2 creative

3 witty

4 charming

5 shy

6 king

7 generous

8 gentle

9 spontaneous

10 on-edge

11 methodical